I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
