Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's like iHOP with fire
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
