Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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