He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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