While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
