My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
