dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
