I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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