i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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