New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
