Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
