Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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