drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
