I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
