i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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