after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
