I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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