Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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