i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
