honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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