Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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