I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
