Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
