dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
