girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
