2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
