I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
