brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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