so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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