it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
