I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it because I queefed?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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