First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
