Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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