so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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