I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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