words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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