Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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