drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
