If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
