Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
