is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
