i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
