The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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