why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
