OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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