My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
