Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
