Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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