the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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