at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Welp...herpes.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
