Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
