You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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