Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
