I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
