So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
