my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
