So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
