I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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