I wish my penis had an off switch
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
