woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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