I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
