Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
