it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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