We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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