my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
