You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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