I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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