Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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