The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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