I will die if light touches me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
