she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
