Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
