You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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