You really coming over, don't trick.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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