In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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