Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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