who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
