Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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