Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
