Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
