I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
