What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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