he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
