I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize