It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
