Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
